We have a special announcement!

We adopted this year!!!

That's right!!......

BUT, not in the traditional sense.... Let me explain... 

Traditional domestic/international adoption is something we have always wanted to do but have never had the money for... At around $35,000 for domestic newborn adoption who can?! At least not without taking out loans... (Sidenote: we do our best to live 100% debt-free, so doing loans etc. it's just not something that we ever want to take on again.) Not to mention how many times the adoptions fall through... Heart breaking...AND, you never know what the babies have been exposed to while in the womb, or what medical issues they may develop as a result of the genetics being unknown , which is true of any form of traditional adoption....

So with domestic and international adoption being too expensive, and a lengthy process, and one we dont feel 100% at peace with, and foster care being put on hold, (due to some concerns with the agency) how can I say we are "adopted" if we are not adopting internationally, domestically, or through foster? 

Let me introduce to you...

EMBRYO ADOPTION 

That's right, we adopted embryos this year! 15 embryos to be exact!! 

Embryo adoption/donation is another option that people are not very aware exists... Heck a year and a half ago I didn't even know it existed and I am pretty up-to-date on all of the in vitro/ high tech methods of getting pregnant due to the nature of my past gynecological history/ childbearing years, and activity in support groups of that nature. Anyway...

How it works- 

When couples go through in vitro fertilization, they hyperstimulate the ovaries to make a bunch of eggs... Then they retrieve the eggs from the ovaries using a special device ... After that they put that and the sperm together,  and if they fertilize, then those cells become an embryo (aka Babies)- Many people who go through IVF end up having leftover embryos after their treatments that are in storage, frozen in time. After they have completed their families and choose to not have more, they are left with a decision on what to do with those leftover embryos. Some choose to destroy them or donate them to a science for stem cell research which at the end of the day, kills the embryos... 

But a lot of people are starting to realize that there is another option...Donating your leftover embryos to people who cannot have children/more children of their own for what ever reason (genetic issues, Low ovarian reserve, recurrent pregnancy loss due to immune issues,  failed reversals etc, some people have genetic conditions they don't wish to pass to children and thus don't want to use their own genetics, or don't have the money for IVF/PGS testing). 

There are many clinics that run a program (which is 99% of the time anonymous ) with donor embryos, or you can choose to privately match with someone (yes there is a site for that! Lol)  and go through attorneys, and usually use the donating couples clinic for services (like the transfer of embryo into your uterus), as well as decide how open of a relationship you want to continue to have with the donating couple should the cycle result in a baby etc...There are even clinics aborad that offer super low cost options, and agencies that can also aid in helping you "match" with a donor and embryos. 

So after you have chosen which way you prefer to obtain your embryos, then you narrow down and choose which embryos you are going to adopt, (people's preferences for choosing embryos varies greatly, we are not very particular- we were more concerned with previous pregnancy success and health of the donors). 

You do have to go through a psychiatric evaluation in order to make sure that you are clearheaded about using third-party reproduction and if all goes well you will be given the go ahead to "adopt them" (it's not really adoption - our government has decided that a baby is not a baby until after birth -or after 24 weeks - it is technically a transfer "property" - unfortunately our government does not believe life begins at conception- I digress 

Thrn, the legal stuff is all done (it's very minimal for anonymous, just notarizing  a few forms- there are quite a few more papers that need to be drawn up by an attorney if you are going to have a privately matched  open adoption, where you will be in contact with the donor family for life) 

 Then, after all that - you need to have medical testing completed . A regular STD panel etc. .. They also like to make sure your uterus looks good enough to carry . If All goes well ... Then they (medical team) gets you prepared with some hormonal medications to get your body in a good state to support a pregnancy . You are Essentially mocking hormones you would have if you were doing this naturally. The dominant hormones that are used are estradiol valerate and progesterone in oil. Or other variations of those medications/hormones.  They also do a couple of ultrasounds to check the uterine lining, and some blood tests while you are taking your estrogen and progesterone injections. Once  your body reaches the optimal stage to receive a embryo that's ready to implant, (usually embryos are at day 3 or day 5 of development)  they then they thaw the embryos, (some don't survive the thaw- but most do) and if all goes well they are then transferred into the uterus of the adopting mom via a very small catheter that goes into the uterus (usually no more than two are transferred- depending on the stage of the embryos they can include up to four) 

... After that you hope and pray that the little embryos attaches and snuggles in  and sticks! 9 -12 days later you go for a blood test to check and see if it worked.

... If they stick, And if all goes  well, in about nine months you will be giving birth to your adopted a child... 

Having all of the time to bond and feel the baby inside of you, being able to give birth, and most importantly knowing you have 100% full prenatal control and a good environment for the growing baby... Something you really cannot be sure of when you are adopting traditionally... 

One of the other BIG benefits about embryo adoption is that it is MUCH less expensive than regular high-tech methods of getting pregnant, or other methods of adoption... IVF can run you anywhere from 10 to $25,000 (not including $6000 in medications) ... If you need an egg donor, throw in another $10, 000 on top of that... Never mind even considering surrogacy which is another $30,000 -80,000 on top of whatever you paid for IVF and you don't get to carry the baby...Plus its not legal is some states...

Embryo donation runs about $4000-8000. (only 1900 in  a few of the European countries)  Essentially you are just paying for the administration fee and The transfer of the embryo into your uterus... though the individual costs vary from clinic to clinic .The embryos are technically donated, so it isn't really adoption, but it's easier for people to grasp the concept when you say adoption VS donation...

 You are not ever allowed to actually "pay" for embryos, so the money you are paying is just covering the costs of the embryo storage, and all of the coordination fees, and about $1800 for the actual transfer. (again all of these prices vary depending on the doctor and clinic) . But again, its so much more doable financially than MOST other methods...

And for those who were already OK giving up having a "genetic" child , but felt sad they were going to miss out on pregnancy, this is the best of both worlds. and FOR ME, this is extra important after so many losses... For those who do not know, we have a immune issue that is sort of genetically related though the match of HLA's... The short version is, my body attacks pregnancies that are created with only OUR genetics... Through the years we have had over 13 documented losses ranging from 4 weeks to 19 weeks along (few more were not documented in my medical file).

You might be thinking , "So how can this work for us if I have problems with miscarrying? "

So because our issues are immune related, but, triggered by a genetic component, each time we make a baby together, with OUR genetics it triggers the issues causing my body to attack the pregnancy ... Because the embryos we are adopting are NOT ours genetically, my body WONT attack, and the pregnancy progresses like normal! And my reproductive immunologist (Jeffery Braverman) said that if I can carry a pregnancy (donor embryo) to term, my body may eradicate the antibodies that are responsible for all the other miscarriages and various other auto immune issues... Amazing right!? 

There are many many reasons why we feel embryo adoption/donation is the right choice for us (and don't think it was an easy decision and we didn't consider every other option fully) and I know there are going to be people who won't agree with it, or US wanting to add to our family in general (no one's business and nobody's place to judge)  But, I personally think it truly is an amazing gift and blessing to have the option of going this route...For us... For anyone struggling... 

And as a Christian I think it's up to us to fight for these little souls on ice... How can we get riled up about babies that have been aborted  already, but not stand up for these little ones that actually have a chance? A chance to be the next president or the next mother Theresa... 

If We believe life starts at conception, then those  little embryos are lives... Who deserve a future... Who deserve love and a family. 

We believe that this is the way we are called to grow our family since we are not able to do so on our own anymore (and NO our issues are NOT a result of "God saying stop", we don't believe God puts illness on people).... I can't explain it any other way other then it just feels "right". God has confirmed it more than a few times...  And thankfully, insurance will be paying for a good portion of this so the financial burden is minimal. 

So this November 12th, we will be undergoing a frozen embryo transfer, putting in adopted babies, (two) and hoping for a little one or two, summer of 2016!! 

If we are successful and have another child or two we will be re-donating the embryos to somebody else! The cycle continues! 😀

Prayers are soooooooooo appreciated!

Update- 5/2015

Hello everyone!! 

I hope the start of this year has been good, or at the very least, not super terrible for all of you... 

I am sorry for the delay in getting this post out there... I will be honest, things have been pretty busy and the thought of making a super long detailed blog post was just not very appealing, but also, I wanted to give it a few months before I decided to publicly let everyone know What was going on... Just so I wouldn't have to eat my words if things got bad again. 

This year has been phenomenal for me... 

For those of you who don't know I will give you the quick version: 

In 2013/2014 I started having some major health issues, which included very numerous swollen lymph nodes throughout my body (mostly in my lungs and abdomen but a few and my neck too ) which seemed suspicious along with seizures and other problems in my lab work... The doctors were extremely concerned but could not figure out what was wrong. I had markers for certain things rheumatological wise, but they didn't seem to add up to make a solid diagnosis that the doctors felt comfortable with. I was on a lot of medications, and dealing with a lot of severe pain for who knows what reason at that point. I was being evaluated by about 10 different specialists. I underwent bone marrow biopsy's and surgeries to remove lymph nodes , had two MRIs three CT's and a pet scan, along with EEGs. I had a couple different hospital stays .. I was a hot mess to put it lightly... It all started in the fall of 2013 but by the summer of last year was the worst ever. 

In November/December of last year I started to feel like things were getting better healthwise... I had already weaned myself off a couple of prescription medications and had plans to finish getting myself off of everything (outside of my thyroid medication, which I have switched to a natural replacement versus the synthetic version anyway). I was also doing biofeedback therapy, which I believe along with prayer and healing from God was a big reason for the improvement I was feeling... 

 I had my initial consult at city of hope late December. The doctors there were absolutely wonderful ! Honestly it is one of the best facility as I've ever been to ... I can honestly go on and on about them but I'll stop here ... Moving on... They were reluctant to do another surgery and seemed to be pleased with the results that they had from the previous biopsy, that Beaver medical did, which stated that everything was benign. But they did want me to see a couple of other specialists in their facility first, to rule the infectious disease stuff and also meet with their rheumatologist. So they took some blood again that day and I made an appointment for a follow up in January. 

January came, I was feeling even better and was now off all prescription medications other than my thyroid. I was still doing the biofeedback therapy, and had started moving on to taking herbal things to manage my symptoms. A couple of those supplements were Tumeric, Wobenzyme N, and a couple of sub lingual homeopathic remedies. Which was encouraged to me by the physicians at city of hope. (they did not give specific recommendations but did suggest that I look into alternative methods for pain and symptom management versus prescription). 

I went back for my follow up-

I met with their rheumatologist, and infectious disease specialist. At this appointment things were very encouraging as I had no signs whatsoever of any swollen lymph nodes and my lab work was pristine. (minus my body showing a Hashimoto's flare). Everything seem to have calmed down and they were extremely pleased to hear that I was off all the prescriptions (mainly the pain pills and Nerve blockers they had me on)  . They gave me a clean bill of health and told me to enjoy not having to see doctors for a long time! I do have to go back in about a year for a recheck just to have a scan. But other than that I am free to live life. :) 

We went over some of the reasons why some of this could have started... They believe a lot of it was a combination of my immune system flaring and getting worse with Hashimoto's, combined with stress, combined with multiple doses of very high strength methotrexate to terminate ectopic pregnancies. (I had four ectopic pregnancy's between 2012 and 2013- three of those were terminated with methotrexate and the fourth one (sept 2013), just a mere two months after the third , needed surgery, and they accidentally cut my bowel open in the process.), all of the methotrexate seem to give me an adverse reaction... combined with the  immune problem that i have in my body that causes it to attack pregnancies, all of that , basically created a firestorm in my body. They (City of hope ) were the only ones who really took into account my history in the last few years when they were making opinions about it all...  Of course we will never really know exactly why or how or what went wrong.... But it did make sense.

At that point all I had to do was hope and pray that I wouldn't have any more seizures (which they think was a result of being put on Xanax) and then I would be able to drive again in March... We were very excited but also very cautiously optimistic... I was terrified things were going to come back and get bad 

again...

But the months have ticked by, and things have only gotten better. My biggest struggle right now is just getting my thyroid back in range, along with making sure I keep my salt intake Up so dysautonomia stays at bay , and that seems rather small in comparison to all of the  issues that were going on last summer... 

So that's what's going on... We are thanking the Lord for all of his good work, and are just enjoying life right now. It seems like as soon as my health got better life got really really busy! But I'm loving it and I'm very thankful that I'm capable of doing the things that need to be done ... 

Oh and a quick foster care update: We 

Are still waiting to get in for training it has been really difficult with Jared getting a promotion and his schedule changing. Agency is rather small and does not have a lot of options when it comes to the training so it's taking a lot longer than we anticipated, but we still plan on following through with it. We hope to adopt from the foster system eventually. Our hearts have always been open and wanting to adopt, but of course cost is a huge factor so this will open up the ability for us to do so without costing 30 - 70,000 bucks ... So we are also looking into other ways of adopting... 

Prayers regarding all of that are also super Duper appreciated! :) 

Thank you all for your prayers throughout the months I know that is what made all of the difference! We are so very thankful for all of our friends both near and far, and extremely grateful for the church body that God has placed us in, here in California. We are looking forward to seeing what the rest of 2015 is going to bring!! :) 

Dear Mom of younger children...

  Dear Mom of younger children:

     I was sitting here the other day, thinking back to a time in my life (about 8/9 years ago) when I was much younger, and my kids were also, MUCH younger. You know, those ages when you have to do EVERYTHING for them, and you literally cant wait to take a shower, because it meant you MIGHT get 5 minutes alone and not attending to 3 little people's every. single.need. all.day.and.night.long...Wiping noses,wiping butts, making snacks and filling cups....Late night feedings, and early morning giggles, another cup of milk spilled, and spaghetti sauce dribbles...You go to bed exhausted and wake up even more exhausted...SOMEHOW, you manage to get the kids all dressed, fed, and out the door NOT crying simultaneously, and stroll into church once a week, where you muscle through the morning with babies who have missed a nap, and are in need of a feeding, and JUST as you are about to walk out that door, feeling as though you might have just ran a marathon, and praying that the kids are going to crash from the church cookie sugar rush, and nap, so maybe, just maybe you can get 15 minutes of shut eye...

And older woman steps in front of you, and grins as wide as can be while looking at your little ones who are clearly cookie covered and overstimulated, and she says to you... "Enjoy every moment of this...It goes by so fast!"...And just like that, she was gone, and all you can do is stand there, somewhat frustrated and frazzled at what just took place..."enjoy this"? Do you NOT see these dark circles under my eyes, and snot covered shirt?...And then, before you can finish your thought, you are beckoned by your minion, and head off to the car to listen to the wiggles for the bazzillionth time in a row...

That was ME 8 years ago...

Today...I am here to say..."Enjoy. Every. Single. Moment."

Seriously...Enjoy it!! I cannot believe how just a mere 8 years can go by, and it seem like almost an instant...

Suddenly...I am not "needed" as much anymore...All my kids are potty trained...No more sleepless nights...No more sippy cups and pacifiers...No more toddler tantrums (although I think teen tantrums are a bit worse, in comparison...) No more "kiss my Boo Boo and make it better" requests...No more nap time schedules, or cutting up every food into tiny bites...They are all in school now, and for the MOST part self sufficient...Of course we still have our struggles... They are just different now. The kids need a different kind of guidance and support...And that will change even more as they get older and grow into adults. But, as I sit here, pondering, I can't help but think of all the times I had people say to me "enjoy this time" or some variation of the saying, and how many times I discounted it, or even eye rolled at them a bit...

But now, I understand...Now, I am the one spouting of that stupid cliche' phrase at new mothers, and those with younger kiddos...Now I am the one who would give anything to go back to those quiet moments at night when you are nursing your newborn, and they hold your finger with their tiny hand, and look in your eyes...I would give anything to hit rewind now and again... I LOVE who my kids are becoming and who they are today...But those special times when they are little ones are so precious...You never really understand HOW precious until the moment has passed... Hindsight is always 20/20...isn't it?

So, Mom's of younger kids, remember, the chaos you know, also known as "life", wont always be THIS chaotic... Your kids wont always NEED you THIS much, and you wont always be this sleep deprived...One day, you too will wish you could hit the rewind button... So for now, humor us old ladies who are feeling baby fever, mmmkay?

Sincerely,

Mom of older kids